My mum is writing a blog post about the Boniface Church doing a murder mystery set in Hursley Manor. So, I’ll do a quick, 3 step guide on how to find out how to discover whodunnit-
1. Ask the butlers/maids to leave the room. The butler is never the killer and he only has one name. All he does is serve the drinks and is always innocent.
2. Find out who is the victim. He is always a character with no development or traits. Then find the next guy who is like that. He is the next victim.
3. Find out who has a surname and who has several character traits. He is the killer. Always.
There. That’s my guide on how to catch a murderer.
UNLESS THE MURDERER IS A RAMPAGING KILLER WASP WHO KILLS PEOPLE AGATHA CHRISTIE-STYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, let’s get straight to this, or I’ll become permanently angry. The Eleventh Doctor had some great stories, but he had some HORRIBLE stories as well…
10. The Power of Three
OK, I just want to say, the first five stories in this list aren’t TERRIBLE, just not that impressive. This story has about 30 minutes of sheer awesome, setting the emotional setting for the epic end of Amy and Rory. BUT, the last ten minutes are incredibly rushed and leaves too many plot holes and unanswered questions. For example, the box-mouthed servants are never explained and the villain is defeated too easily.
9. The Wedding of River Song
Urrr. Urrr. Urrr. AAAAARRRGGHHHH!!!! YOU HAD THE SETUP! YOU HAD A GREAT STORY ARC! YOU COULD HAVE DONE A FANTASTIC FINALE! Sorry. I just find this finale to be the weakest finale. The second half is really slow and the final twist of how the Doctor survives his death ruins the emotions all the soppy people crying over the his death.
8. Let’s Kill Hitler
In short, this is what happens in Let’s Kill Hitler-
Yawn. Yawn. Come on, considering this is from the writer who gave us Vampires of Venice and The God Complex, I had high hopes. This episode is SO DULL! Also, there are plot holes and a really, really, really confused plot. The moral dilemma is confused and the Doctor is incredibly out of character.
6. The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People
Pass me a pillow please.
I’M SO BORED!
The story is paced like a snail riding a limping tortoise riding a glacier, with dull characters and a plot ripped right off from The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood with the Silurians. It also has major plot holes and a really weak production design. The monster at the end isn’t threatening and the Gangers look fake.
5. Hide
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY?! The plot is incredibly full of holes with a complete change in focus half-way through. Nothing happens until 40 minutes and a tacked on plot “twist” that changes nothing. It’s as if the episode thought “OH NO! I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE A STORY TO TELL!” Urrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg…
4. The Doctor, The Widow and The Wardrobe
Fluff up that pillow please.
I hate this. It’s so BORING and DULL and NOTHING HAPPENS. It’s meant to be a Christmas Special! WHY CAN’T YOU MAKE IT FUN! There is absolutely no threat and it’s such a BOREFEAST! Although it isn’t as dull as…
3. A Christmas Carol
Sharks, snow and spaceships can’t save this. It has mind insulting plot holes and is paced like a slug and a snail in wheelchairs with hardly any excitement. Also, why is there a SHARK IN THE SKY??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Cold War
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?! This was hyped up to be the awesome, base under siege story. So what went wrong? The ice warrior itself barely has any screen time, and when the ice warrior did appear, it was in the shadows. There are lots of writing contrivances and so much filler. Urg. The ice warriors deserve better.
1. The Girl who Waited
Right. Before I continue, go back and get all my praise for all the 10 stories in part 1. Then times that by 1,000000000000. Then gather all the hate for the past 9 stories and times that by 1,0000000000.
That still can’t say how much I LOATH this episode.
Everything went wrong. The pacing is so poorly handled that I was bored all the way through. The plot is so needlessly complicated that it brings to mind plot holes the size of the Grand Canyon. The sets are lazy and the Handbots are ripped off from the Raston Warrior Robot from the 1984 story The Five Doctors. The final twist at the end is also lazy and betrays everyone’s trust over the Doctor.
As many Whovians already know, Matt Smith will leave Doctor Who in the 2013 Christmas special.
*SNIFF* *COUGH* WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE’S MY FAVOURITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But anyway, to look over his era, I’ll do a countdown of my personal favourite Eleventh Doctor stories-
10. The Eleventh Hour
HI!!!!! You’re stuck with me, not Tennant!
Yeah, it may seem boring to have his first story on the list, but I love this. It’s like The Christmas Invasion meets Smith & Jones, but on a huge scale. It’s the story which really “got” me into Doctor Who. The scale of the whole episode is epic, with great performances, a simple plot, great production values and judging the huge changes behind the scenes, this episode achieves everything.
9. The Vampires in/of Venice
OK, the BIG problem with the stories after The Eleventh Hour was that they seemed to be paced very poorly. The Vampires in/of Venice was the first episode to pace itself like the Tennant stories. As a result, the plot and characters get expanded and the premise is interesting (I mean, VAMPIRES! Yay!) There’s not much to say, it’s just sheer awesome.
8. The Snowmen
It’s finally Christmas! A Christmas special that isn’t too dark, long, or so boring it puts me to sleep (A Christmas Carol). The Snowmen is sheer, sheer awesome. A great re-introduction to Clara (Meh, probably nothing), a chilling (Ba-dum) villian and an incredibly funny script. Not the absolute best, but a Christmas special that ISN’T terrible.
7. The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon
WOW! Just WOW! This was the first episode to chill me since Forest of the Dead with the Silence. As with the Eleventh Hour, the scale of the thing is epic, the location brilliant and has great ideas and is a brilliant start to a great series (except for the… well, I’ll get to that later…). Also, one of the Eleventh Doctor’s best speeches. I can’t do it justice and I would play it but I can’t find it on Youtube…
6. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship
Does what it says on the tin. Dinosaurs on a spaceship. I LOVE this. LOVE it. It’s hilarious, action packed and strangely moving. Also, I love dinosaurs and when you have Harry Potter’s caretaker being the bad guy, you know you have an awesome story. Not much else to say, it’s just awesome.
5. The Doctor’s Wife
OH MY CHEESE!!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!… sorry, got a bit over the top. But this episode is absolutely amazing. Everything clicks. EVERYTHING.
4. The Rings of Akhaten
Here is the Rings of Akhaten experience-
First half- Pretty good
Second half- Errrrrrrrrr…
Third half- WOW! I CAN FIND THE CLIP ON YOUTUBE!
That….was…FANTASTIC! If I was soppy, I’d cry. But I’m not. I’m just blown away…
3. The Name of the Doctor
For people who watch the classic series like me probably squealed when they saw the past Doctors in this episode. BUT, unlike the previous two finales, this episode FELT epic. Everything was epic, the villains, the plot, the acting, the production… this episode is 1,000000000000000000000000000000 times better than… well, you’ll find out later. And a good way to wrap up a kind of disappointing season (except for Dinosaurs on a Spaceship. And The Snowmen. And The Rings of Akhaten. And, to some extent, The Crimson Horror and Nightmare in Silver).
2. Vincent & The Doctor
Unfortunately, another episode in which the epic speech can’t be found on Youtube. But this episode must be great because… my mum liked it. Yes, you heard that right. The person who couldn’t understand the Fires of Pompeii, The Shakespeare Code and Unicorn and the Wasp. But it also made me feel sad for the giant chicken-dinosaur monster thing. Also, it has an epic speech which CAN’T BE FOUND ON YOUTUBE!
1. The God Complex
I can’t say anything. This is just perfect. Perfect. It is my favourite episode of Doctor Who-ever. It’s Doctor Who meets The Shining which I have but I haven’t read because it’s too long and wordy. But as for the God Complex, I can’t put into words how much I love this episode. This is the episode which has all other pieces of media crawling in the dust and leaves my brain completely blown EVERY time I watch it. And I’ve seen this round about 5 times.
Right, that’s my top 10. Tommorow, I’ll talk about the bottom 10… urgh…
In an article in the Telegraph, it says that several academics have called the show “thunderously racist”.
Sorry WHAT?!
No I’m serious…………………. just WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????
The main argument is that none of the eleven Doctors have been Asian or black. Academics have said that this means that the show is racist.
OK, I have two comments for that-
1: It’s not about the skin colour, it’s about the actor. Maybe no Asian or black actors have expressed interest in the role, and that’s their decision, not the BBC’s or academic’s decisions.
2: Why does it matter? Just because eleven white actors have been the Doctor doesn’t make the show racist. Lots of foreign and black actors have had major or minor roles in the show and the BBC has said that “reflecting the diversity of the UK is a duty of the BBC, and casting on Doctor Who is colour blind. It’s all about finding the right actors for the roles”. THERE Mr. Academic man, THERE!
Another thing on the matter is the fact that not only do I think Doctor Who isn’t racist, I think it’s ANTI- racist.
Example: the Daleks. The Daleks are based of the Nazis, who thought everyone who weren’t them were wrong. The Daleks believe the same. That’s racist to everyone who aren’t them. Doctor Who shows that beliefs like these are wrong, thus preventing racism like that.
So, do you agree with my point? Do you think complaining that Doctor Who is racist is fair?
Hello everyone! As promised, here is my Eurovision reaction. But before that, a very important question- DID YOU ALL WATCH THE NAME OF THE DOCTOR, THE SERIES 7 FINALE!?
OK, that’s that sorted. Now on to Eurovision. We were 18th place this year and 28 countries did not vote for us.
I’ll show how powerful I am so hopefully these countries’ll vote for us next year.
San Marino: Hello, Mr. Bond? Can you bring the next bad guy over to San Marino and tear the entire place up? Thank you!
Albania: Right, OK. Since I only just heard of them, I’ll have to use my Ocean-Sucker 300000 to suck up the Adriatic Sea and drop it on them. Same with Montenegro, Serbia, Macedonia and Greece.
Netherlands: Netherlands is very flat. So, I’ll just have to raise the water levels.
Austria: Simple plan. No mountains, no snow. No snow, no skiers. No skiers, no tourists. No tourists, no money. I’ll get my Mountain Flattener 800000000.5 to do it.
Ukraine: Right, I’m not buying any more chicken kieves. Why else would their capital be called KIEV?
Italy: OK, no more Italian food.
Belgium: No more Belgian chocolates then. And hope they get wet along with the Netherlands. Not Luxembourg though, Luxembourg is cool.
Russia: Send the British weather over.
Germany: Hello, urgh, Mr Gove? Yeah, could you not teach German in schools anymore? They didn’t vote for us. Keep teaching Spanish, they voted for us.
Iceland: Right, make an artificial volcano and blow it in their direction so they’ll melt. And their song was the best!
France: Send the moles over to sink them! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Greece: Suck up the Mediterranean. No Mediterranean, no beach. No beach, no tourists.
Denmark: Hello, Mr Shakespeare? Don’t write Hamlet, Prince of Denmark! Write Hamlet, Prince of England.
Alright, that’s enough “punishments” for now. Right, now I need to have a breather!
Hello everyone! Two days and 14 hours until the epic (hopefully) Series 7 Doctor Who finale! Or, if you don’t watch Doctor Who (WHY don’t you watch Doctor Who?), two days 15 hours until Eurovision and about three days 15 hours until my Eurovision reaction.
But before that, I’ve made a list of 5 places I want to go, which my mum will hopefully have enough money for (jokes!)
These will be in order but they are all equally cool so don’t feel offended if your country isn’t number 1.
So here goes…
5. Australia, in, uh, Australia.
And when I mean Australia, I mean ALL of Australia. Three of my top 5 favourite animals are there: the saltwater crocodile, the platypus and LOTS of monitor lizards, which is my way of saying AWESOME! Not to mention a rock so big that animals live ONLY on the rock, an awesome building (you know the one) and interesting weather, unlike here in Britain which is rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, oh you know the drill!
Also, it would be cool to go to America just because it’s America.
It’s also the world’s biggest aquarium. If you don’t believe me, here’s another picture-
THAT big
3. Dubai, UAE.
I know everyone wants to go to Dubai for three reasons: The ridiculous building, the shopping center which is also a hotel, and because it’s hot and sunny as opposed to here.
Sooner or later Hollywood will make aliens blow that up. They’ve done that to the Statue of Liberty WAYYYYYYYYY too many times
Also, I just want an awesome picture with the world’s tallest building. But the other two reasons also apply.
2. The Amazon Rainforest, Brazil, Peru, Colombia, Venuzuela,
Everyone wants to go to Brazil for three reasons: Rio, carnival and the world’s biggest rainforest.
Seriously, this forest extends over 9 countries.
Also, more awesome animals: jaguar, snakes, eagles, aripima, Daleks, and… sorry, forget that last one. Imagine Daleks in Rio…
VIVA CARNIVAL!
1. Great Pyramids of Giza, Egypt.
Yeah, kind of obvious. Not only do I need to declare that I have been to Africa, but I also want to have a look inside these landmarks. Not to mention the Sphinx as an added extra and my personal favourite bird, the marabou stork, making an appearance at the Nile and…
Yeah! These guys again! Crocodiles are cool!
So, those are 5 places which I really, really, REALLY want to go. Can you think of any other awesome places which are worth a visit?
