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The mystery of my cat

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Cats, along with politicians, are quite possibly the strangest animals to understand on the planet. I say this because my cat, Billy, is a ridiculously strange creature to live with. Yesterday I stood on his paw by accident while trying to move past him. He ran up the stairs quickly while I explained aloud to him what happened.

But, because cats have the exact facial expression all the time, I can’t tell if he was hurt or upset or even acknowledged what I said. He just had that expression all cats have – the somewhat vacant look which always seems like he is judging everything and everyone. Maybe it’s because I read too much Garfield at my grandparent’s house, but now I think all cats are plotting something, and that one day they will take over the world.

Cats are a pile of contradictions. They will follow you until you feed them, then eat the food, before expecting more food straight after. They will sit on anything and anyone, but complain if they are stroked at the wrong time. They possess two key superpowers –

  • Voluntary deafness – Cats have incredibly good hearing most of the time. They can hear food packets being rattled and they can hear people entering the kitchen. However, when being told to leave the food alone, get off the table or being told that they are not getting fed, cats can instantly become deaf and not hear what is being said.
  • Super persistence – Cats will never give up. If they want food, they will follow you until they get it. And because they’re cats and they are naturally cute, they can eventually coax anyone into doing anything. No one can complain about them doing anything. If the cat wants a stroke, he’s getting one. If he wants to sit on people, he’ll do it, and no one can tell him that he can’t.

My cat in particular functions in mysterious ways. He stares at me expecting me to know what he wants. As I’ve said before, because cats have one facial expression, I can’t tell what he wants. Does he want food? Something to scratch? Or is he plotting an evil scheme. He will also run off to a neighbourhood a few miles away without warning. We have to pick him up every now and then.

Billy on table

He is also very bizarre sometimes. He will run around the house randomly for no reason then lie on the stairs as if to say “Oh yeah, the stairs are mine”. If someone walks up the stairs, he’ll try and scratch them away, but it never really works.

But all this aside, cats are definitely awesome. And as strange as he is, Billy is still an important member of the family.

Billy is mystified by my blue-tongued skink, Georgy.

Billy is mystified by my blue-tongued skink, Georgy.

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About epicduda

I'm 16 years old. I like animals, lasagne, comic books, films, role-playing games and Doctor Who. I write cool stuff - Doctor Who, science fiction, film reviews, and quirks about Britain. I have a blue-tongued skink called Georgy and a cat called Billy.

7 responses »

  1. They sure do have that vacant look, judging everyone & everything! 😉

    Reply
  2. Billy is a beautiful boy! Maine Coon?

    Reply
  3. Graham Williams

    Selective deafness and super persistence – are you sure that Billy isn’t a Labrador?

    Reply
  4. I had a cat that would understand the word “food” – it meant “treat” (normal food was dinner and breakfast). The call of “food” would bring a sleeping cat from upstairs in a matter of seconds. It would also appear at my feet as soon as I started carving a roast – but not a second before.

    When my father went on holiday, the neighbour would look after his cat. For this period, the cat would voluntarily move into the neighbour’s house – but this was the only time it would go there. Once my father returned home, the cat would come back – and never go in the neighbour’s house again!

    Reply
  5. I have a feeling Billy can read WordPress. Last night I gave him a stroke at 11.30pm before going to bed, and this morning he couldn’t be found. He must have returned to his other favourite home (2 miles from us).

    Perhaps he didn’t like the clock going back.

    Reply

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