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One promised Eurovision reaction

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Hello everyone! As promised, here is my Eurovision reaction. But before that, a very important question- DID YOU ALL WATCH THE NAME OF THE DOCTOR, THE SERIES 7 FINALE!?

OK, that’s that sorted. Now on to Eurovision. We were 18th place this year and 28 countries did not vote for us.


I’ll show how powerful I am so hopefully these countries’ll vote for us next year.

San Marino: Hello, Mr. Bond? Can you bring the next bad guy over to San Marino and tear the entire place up? Thank you!

Albania: Right, OK. Since I only just heard of them, I’ll have to use my Ocean-Sucker 300000 to suck up the Adriatic Sea and drop it on them. Same with Montenegro, Serbia, Macedonia and Greece.

Netherlands: Netherlands is very flat. So, I’ll just have to raise the water levels.

Austria: Simple plan. No mountains, no snow. No snow, no skiers. No skiers, no tourists. No tourists, no money. I’ll get my Mountain Flattener 800000000.5 to do it.

Ukraine: Right, I’m not buying any more chicken kieves. Why else would their capital be called KIEV?

Italy: OK, no more Italian food.

Belgium: No more Belgian chocolates then. And hope they get wet along with the Netherlands. Not Luxembourg though, Luxembourg is cool.

Russia: Send the British weather over.

Germany: Hello, urgh, Mr Gove? Yeah, could you not teach German in schools anymore? They didn’t vote for us. Keep teaching Spanish, they voted for us.

Iceland: Right, make an artificial volcano and blow it in their direction so they’ll melt. And their song was the best!

France: Send the moles over to sink them! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greece: Suck up the Mediterranean. No Mediterranean, no beach. No beach, no tourists.

Denmark: Hello, Mr Shakespeare? Don’t write Hamlet, Prince of Denmark! Write Hamlet, Prince of England.

Alright, that’s enough “punishments” for now. Right, now I need to have a breather!


About Ben Williams

I'm 16 years old. I like animals, lasagne, comic books, films, role-playing games and Doctor Who. I write cool stuff - Doctor Who, science fiction, film reviews, and quirks about Britain. I have a blue-tongued skink called Georgy and a cat called Billy.

4 responses »

  1. I didn’t watch Dr Who so glad you didn’t tell write a spoiler until I’ve had a chance to see it later in the week.

  2. Graham Williams

    I was in France for the weekend and so missed the entire spectacle. When the voting was going on I was either in an excellent restaurant in Caen, or having a late-night Calvados as a digestif. I think we did well to come 18th – our song was rubbish. Please could you delay flattening the Austrian A|lps as I am visiting Vienna in September. Also, please leave France alone – they have no musical taste whatsoever, so it is not really their fault if they only vote for songs that are even worse than ours. Also, I like France – they make the best bread in the world and also some of the most tasty cheeses. Their coffee is brilliant as well. As a compromise, could you confine yourself to knocking over the Eiffel Tower and flooding the Champs Elysee (I am not that fond of Paris).

  3. I sometimes wonder what difference there would be if the votes of each country were weighted by population size – e..g so the vote of a country with population of 20 million is worth twice that of a country with population 10 million. Maybe you could work that out and let me know – it;s half-term coming up, so you’ll have plenty of time on your hands đŸ™‚


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